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久々
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Jul. 21st, 2007 @ 01:33 pm
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you guys have amazing selections of downloadable music on here. much love! i added you so i can be notified when you update. if i get anything good too, ill pass it on. |
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さよなら
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Feb. 10th, 2006 @ 03:18 pm
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さよなら
www.xanga.com/ryokuin/ |
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流星群
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Jan. 16th, 2006 @ 10:19 am
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Ok so I came to the conclusion that this year is going to be the best year of my life. Here is how my breakdown of years works for those interested [male perspective]:
Pre-adolescence – This is a time when dreams are first explored for the first time. Young children are so naïve to the world, and are unhindered by any form of social boundaries. A child’s dream is the most pure. Ask any child what he or she wants to be when they grow up, and you will learn the true desire of a pure soul. I know for me I wanted to be an astronaut. Ever since I was little I was always fascinated with the true limitless potential of everything that could exist beyond this planet. What is funny is that that dream has not changed.
Adolescence – Teenage angst towards the world sure is fun isn’t it? Teenage years as a collective are the worst. Being a teenager means that every single dream you came to realize during adolescence gets destroyed beyond repair. Nothing is definite in this universe, even the idea of definite, but there are so very few children who grow up into the profession they first dreamed of. Teenage years are a time when you begin to question for the first time everything that has been instilled on you previously. Since all your dreams are shattered, this is a time when a guy looks for something, and will settle for anything, that will attempt to bring meaning and semblance to a destroyed reality.
18 – A teenager looks forward to this because he believes that he will finally become an adult. He could not be more wrong. Even though at 18 a person can emancipate themselves, there are still a lot of rights not given to an 18 year old. However, he can buy cigarettes and other miscellaneous tobacco products, so he is happy.
19 – You are not given any more rights, but you are still considered a teenager, so you do not have to handle the brunt of becoming an adult. This is the first full year out of high school and into the world of reality, and you intend to let the whole world know that you are no longer a high school student.
20 – This is the longest year of anyone in the United States. What is interesting is that even though legally the transition away from teenager takes place, the mentality of the individual is still very much that of one. As such, he is still searching for answers to questions that were first asked years ago. His reality is still a bunch of shattered pieces lying at his feet all around him. This is an extremely hard year for guys. Just look at how many relationships that seemed to be fantastic end up breaking apart during this year.
21 – What the hell happened? Do guys even remember this year? I sure as hell have trouble. The long term affects of alcohol consumption never even enter into a man’s mind during this year. He finally receives full “adult” status and takes full advantage of it. All residual heartache from the previous year are brought out full force, and then consequently drowned in a sea of cheap beer and vomit-inducing liquors.
22 – Second up in the hardest year of a young adult. At 22, all rights have already been attained and the teenage mindset has to shift away from thinking like a teenager, waiting for things to happen, and into adulthood where one make things happen. This is an extremely depressing year that is mostly spent trying to look around and pick up the pieces of everything that was destroyed and reassemble them. Unfortunately, because it was so destroyed during the formidable teenage years, many times what results does not exactly look like what was first dreamed of during pre-adolescence, but if your will is strong then it should not be too far from the original. Although, that does not necessarily mean it has to be either. This is the year when an individual is most empowered to do anything they want to in life, one just needs to focus through all the heartache and visualize a true dream. When I was 22 I saw a window to escape from my damned confinement in the military, and before I was 23, I was already back to being a civilian, working an alright full-time job that paid me about as much [considering the 60 hours a week I was working] and was accepted back into university with a major that I wanted to study.
23 – This is a time that I consider to be the first good year. I cannot imagine going through university before reaching this golden age of enlightenment. This is the first year when all teenage angst has been filtered out of the system, the pieces that were once shattered now have shape again, and life begins to quite simply make sense. Instead of questioning every little thing, rational thought processes begin to accept things for the way they are, and the individual learns how to survive in the system that encompasses him.
This finally brings me to 24. What can I possibly say that is bad about twenty four? So far these past few months have been the best time of my life. No questions asked; no holds barred. This time for me has been a time when I no longer feel the need to question why things are the way they are, because I have come to realize that nothing in those questions needs to apply to me. The only thing I work towards now is figuring out how to escape from the very system that caused so much anxiety during my teenage years. I have fully re-assembled the pieces of my dreams, and while the picture is very different from what it started out as, I accept the rational that the original was from an innocent mindset; something I nor anyone here no longer possess.
Where am I going to go from here? I have no idea, nor do I care. I am sick of being asked what I am going to do when I get out of Zoomass. I believe this to be a childish question. Buddhism teaches us that life is a temperamental existence, and I fully understand that to be the utmost reality. I do not graduate till 2008, and I will figure out what I am going to do then when 2008 comes rolling around.
How does any of this relate to being an astronaut? The universe is bigger than anyone can ever possibly imagine. Earth is as small to the universe as electrons are to humans. An astronaut works towards escaping the gravity of earth, like I am working towards escaping the gravity of society. I refuse to be bound by it. I will never give in to the naysayers who tell me what I desire is impossible, because they are the same people who told the Wright brothers that they could never fly like a bird. The universe is vast and limitless, and I plan on escaping the pull of society’s gravity so I can live amongst the stars and leave this earth to you.Current Mood: busy Current Music: GIANT PANDA |
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[WARNING: intelligent design is the stupidest thing to come out of “Conservative America”©. If you are a bible thumper and still, despite the volumes of scientific study that says otherwise, believe that humans and evolution in general is false; please stop reading. Anything I say will fall on ignorant ears anyway, so just save yourself the trouble.]
[Prelude: Unless otherwise noted, all philosophy and connections here are mine, and to the best of my knowledge, has not been connected before in the history of the world. If I am wrong, then I am glad that someone else thought like I do.]
I cannot keep this inside any longer, so here we go. This is a quick lesson in my new train of thought, called Objectarianism. See? I just had to add that word to my dictionary. There will never be a full discussion about the entire meaning of Objectarianism because I am still working on it and understanding the roots behind the connections I make, in an attempt to fully understand the meanings of what I'm saying. Because I was just in the gym for a few hours and my body hurts, and because it goes along with something I have previously touched upon, I am going to talk about one of the fundamental aspects of Objectarianism – the human body.
First, before any serious discussion about Objectarianism can take place, one must first be at least somewhat familiar with Objectivism. My philosophy relies heavily on Objectivism, but it is not solely based off of Ayn Rand’s philosophy.
“Objectivism is a philosophical system developed by Russian-born American philosopher and author Ayn Rand. It encompasses metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, politics, and aesthetics. Objectivism holds that there is a mind-independent reality, that individuals are in contact with this reality through sensory perception, that they gain knowledge by processing the data of perception using reason or "non-contradictory identification," that the proper moral purpose of one's life is the pursuit of one's own happiness, and that the only social system consistent with such a morality is laissez-faire capitalism.”
-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectivist_philosophy
Ayn Rand contends that the greatest thing a human being can do in this world is create with nothing more than the human intellect. There is no set definition on what is considered “good” creation vs. “bad” creation. Both dolphins and monkeys have been shown to possess near human ability at learning and reasoning, but lack the ability to evolve into a form that can even begin to compare with the power of the human intellect. What separates us? I am not a zoologist, nor an expert on ancient animal behavioral patters, but I think I can say with high certainty that in our pre-historic days the difference in brains between dolphins and Homo sapiens was minimal at best.
If we were once on equal grounds with dolphins, how did our species evolve into such fantastic a creation? The reason is quite simple. Somewhere along the lines our bodies became the vessels for something that no dolphin can ever dream of having the ability to do: create. We figured out a long time ago that our claws could be used to manipulate all that we can see. Soon, tools were developed to give us the advantage over the animals, and to make humans’ lives easier. Dominance ensured and eventually the Homo sapiens owned this rock in space.
Before I take it a step further I must reiterate the underlying understanding of reality as a whole. It is from here where I take Ayn Rand’s objectivism and make it my own. Buddhism states that to truly understand anything beyond what we can perceive we would need to excel beyond the normal thought process of a human being. However, once this ability has been actualized, the actualizer no longer cares to peruse such a thought process. Zen Buddhism stresses the fact that answers to such questions are beyond the scope of human ability, and to concentrate on them is futile energy misspent, which could be guided towards the advancement of the natural thought process in an attempt to reach enlightenment.
It is my understanding that no matter how much religion is forced down a human’s throat, he will almost always act in a way that is self-preserving. It is easier for me to not waste time trying to focus on such things that cannot be answered. I am a man of much faith, but no practice. I put faith in those things which seem rational to me, and Jesus being the son of God is not one of them.
During the time of discovery, when humans learned to manipulate reality into ways that gave them the advantage, the idea of creation came into being. The earth had never before experienced creation. Every atom in our bodies has already existed in an infinite amount of time, but that is another essay. Therefore, I believe that the single greatest thing a human being can do is to create, furthering our dominance over a reality we have already taken for our own a long time ago.
Unfortunately we do not live in a world that allows for such a pure pursuit of that which is the greatest thing a human can achieve. In Atlas Shrugged the hero of the story John Galt realized this and set out to create a utopia where free commercialism was the key to creating a society in which those with the power to create, were not hindered, and through hard work could achieve anything.
Hard work is the essence of creation, and the only way in which true power can be achieved. Money is as far from the goal of Objectarianism as it is to a Buddhist, or Christian, or any religion in its purest form. That is not to say that we do not embrace it. We have already accepted the fact that a true Objectarianist will have by these societies’ standards a vast amount of money. In a free commercialist society, if one possesses the ability to create and the desire and hard work to bear the fruit of such labor, money will come by default. Ask any self made millionaire or billionaire how they started, and they will tell you the desire to change something, or create something. They possess the greatest power, the ability to take an idea and through hard work make it reality.
An objectarianist embraces this function of the self, and forever works every day towards the goal of creation. Hard work involves constant effort, and no Objectarianist expects an instant result. We believe also, that hard work should involve the up-keeping of the one piece of reality that links our minds to our reality, and that is our bodies. We believe that physical perfection is the epitome of hard work, and an objectivist’s ideas actualized in a way that exemplifies the fundamental teachings of Objectarianism.
We work hard, because no one will work hard for us. We break ourselves because if we have the capability to break, we have the ability fix and become stronger than ever. We work every day towards the ideal of creation and power, and stress the principal that every single day should be spent working towards gaining more power, no matter what the form.
Why do I work so hard you ask? I want to be better than all of you, on every front, at every turn, and in every way possible. You can spout your nonsense about fate, god, Jesus, prophets, and whatever else helps you sleep at night, but those are all obstacles in the way of achieving what every human really wants, power. I know I am right, because you are all using computers to read what I am writing. If you really were as good a Christian as you pretend to be, you will go sell everything you own so you can help the poor, the weak, and to spread the word of Jesus as the savior of mankind. However, you will not do that, because you do not possess true faith. It conflicts with reality too much. I exist entirely in reality, and therefore am not bound like you. I will use this to beat you, at every turn, because I will be more ruthless, more conniving, stronger, and more powerful than you will ever be. |
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今年の旅先
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Jan. 6th, 2006 @ 12:33 am
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2006?
Abstract-
Further dedicate myself to the ideals I preach
Refine my new philosophy; objectarianism*
Every day become more powerful than the day before
Read more of everything, write more of everything
Become healthier and stronger than ever
Quantitative-
Gain 20 lbs of muscle
350 lb bench
4.0 GPA
Finish the kyouiku kanji list (1-881) and as much of the touyou kanji list (882-1822) as possible
Work towards preparing myself for the level 1 JLPT in 2008
Get something published
Life?
Change the world for the better in my eyes |
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I guess I can be cool and write about my new years like everyone else. But I am neither cool nor interesting so I instead am going to write about the retarded tradition of making New Year’s resolutions.
For one, why do people need some arbitrary threshold of space-time to change them for the better? How much sense does that make? It’s like me saying, “Well for my September 17th resolution I'm going to quit smoking!” It is of my opinion that a human being should constantly be working to better themselves every waking second they are alive. Who wants to make stupid promises to themselves that they are not going to keep anyway?
This is my favorite though. I cannot tell you how many times I hear, “After new years I'm going to start this diet.” Or, “My new year’s resolution is to loose 20 lbs.” Listen you fat bastards, stop making up excuses and reasons to NOT watch what you eat. If you really want to loose weight, you can start changing for the better at ANY time. Why, on December 26th after indulging your taste buds with holiday cooking, when you step on the scale and it says something you did not want to see, do you have wait four more days to change your behavior?
People who want change do it immediately. They do not wait for an invitation, or make up excuses. Now, I know what you guys are thinking to yourselves. “Hey captain hypocrite look who’s talking.” But that’s just because you are reading this and you have not seen me. I was on no less than three chemicals daily, and add the weekend that number could be kicked up at least five, sometimes higher. We are not talking cheeseburgers here retards and fatties. We are talking significant mind altering chemical substances. When my Christmas Epiphany took hold of my psyche, I dropped everything that very instant. I am still going through chemical dependence withdrawal, and it’s not fun. However, at least I am doing something and not making up excuses on why I am waiting. Now the only thing I put into my body is caffeine, and in very small amounts.
So why the hell does one need to wait to do anything? If you realize you have a problem change it right now. Do not wait for an invitation. No one is going to hold your hand in life and for the love of god stop being so fuckin lazy! If you want something, get it! It is as simple as that. Do not let excuses and laziness get in the way of you achieving what you want, ESPICALLY when it comes to your own body. Does not your bible say that god helps those who help themselves?
Jan. 4th, 2006 @ 12:38 pm
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a marionette
controlled by invisible strings
worked by a hand unseen or felt
minor words and mixed up feelings
cliched phrases and recycled emotions
whats the point of sounding smart
when no one understands your stupid message
said a thousand times before
by a thousand different voices
each one dead long after the race is finished
with names carved no where
cast off the chains
question everything
but take it with you, because it IS you
Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 02:30 am
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| » 問題がない 質問がない。 |
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there once was a girl who helped me down the path of life, but she challenged me. i realized that while she was helping me down the path, the way she challenged was to question my motives. i now see that the questioning was more like pushing, and the questions she asked were based off of her experiences and personality.
but she is different. she doesnt challenge me at all. she completes me. if before i was being pushed, SHE just gives me the flashlight to see my road.
when the pusher left me i felt so lost, because i did not have someone to push me in the direction i needed to go. the time between the two i have wondered all over the place. while sometimes i would feel the secure pavement under my feet, othertimes i would feel grass, leaves, rocks, sand - all symbols of different struggles and different trials i had to complete because i lost the pavement and would need to find my way back to the road.
but now she gave me the flashlight. i feel like from now on i wont ever loose my way again. obviously life is not a paved road. life is nothing but challenges to overcome and the road isnt ever finished, but instead of being pushed around, i can see where i am going and where i want to go. and i firmly believe that the the path traveled is what matters, not the end of the road.
now i just need to convince her to come with me, because a flashlight is just one tool. with her at my side i feel like i can fly. and who needs to walk when we can fly?
she gave me the best present anyone could have ever given; a reason and a purpose.
i was going to write an essay but realized that i have way to much to say about this. instead i am going to write a book. i have a notebook so full of sketches, sloppy handwriting, poetry, and random thoughts that to make it clear and concise will take a billion pages.
Dec. 25th, 2005 @ 12:35 am
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| » 新しいヒプホプ |
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I’ve been delving into some really really kick ass hip hop. This is what happens when you mix the creative un-culturally-bounded producers with kick ass emcees writing hooks and lines i might dare to say are comparable with 2pac.
Nujabes, Sonpub, DJ Tonk, Pase rock, Substantial, DJ Hasebe, DJ Hazime
Pase rock and substantial are both lyricists from the east coast while the rest are just amazing producers who mix for everyone. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Can you say “Common,” or “Mos Def?” Yeah, that’s right.
Hip Hop’s future is so bright, just not in America. I am in sonic heaven.
Dec. 14th, 2005 @ 03:11 am
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| » random thoughts |
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Wow havent updated in a while.
First: thanks for the mega uber birthday weekends everyone! You guys rock I love you all to no end.
Second: Monkeys are attacking various skyscraper building projects armed with toothpicks and thermometer probes.
Third: It has been reported that someone sharted into the Atlantic Ocean. More information as it becomes available.
Fourth: Everyone I'm sure has herd about the story of the crazy guy in Miami getting shot by federal air marshals. What everyone just LOVES to gloss over was that HE WAS ALREADY CHECKED, FLEW, AND WAS AT HIS DESTINATION! If he was armed in any way it would be because of the complete lack of security. It just boggles my mind why the air marshals felt the need to shoot to kill, even when his wife was begging the marshals trying to explain that he was MENTALLY ILL! You want to talk about terrorists? Look at the uniforms. [exclude soldiers]
Fifth: This just in! birds all over the world have been reported as working in teams to carry coconuts to remote locations in northern Europe.
Sixth: High heels rock. I am going to start my own line for men. Why should only women get to rock the blocks? I want to put on shoes and be many inches taller. Watch out ya’ll! Five eleven brian is commin to town!
Dec. 8th, 2005 @ 01:46 pm
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24?????? GAHHHHH~ im scared.
Nov. 22nd, 2005 @ 04:07 pm
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everyone pushes me away.
everyone leaves me.
why?
Nov. 17th, 2005 @ 04:10 pm
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Imagine an astronomer
Peering through a telescope
Every second he is awake
Searching for answers to questions
That are as old as time itself
Trying to find the truth
And the reason for our being
In what better place
Than the heavens we have looked at
For as long as humans have existed
What would happen if in one instant
The universe showed him the truth
A glimpse of true heaven
Through the glass of a man made telescope
An overwhelming experience
That might be too much for man to see
Will he ever bee the same?
Could he go on living, knowing the answers
To the questions he has spent
His whole life searching for the resolve
Could his brain handle the though
Of looking into the eyes of God himself?
Like the astronomer looking through the glass
I too have seen a glimpse of perfection
A vision of all that could be
Something that I will spend my whole life
In a never ending quest to peruse my dreams
I know that I can go on living
Because that glimpse was only a sample
What we see, is not the same
But what we are searching for is
While he saw the most divine
What I saw
Was you
Nov. 4th, 2005 @ 12:18 pm
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| » 大変お待ってしました |
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大変大変大変お待ってしました。人生はちょううううう面白いんだろう。今俺はいつも一人だと思うだのように。人生は静かで詰らないんだ。だってそんな事がちょっと好きだ。 毎日五十パーセント日本語で話している。新しい友達はメンドクサイだってばよ。俺の事はちょう怖いんですあいつたちを言ってた。なにそれよ。俺は親切ですと思うんだ。さっき俺の仕事は軍人だったが毎月医者に会ってる。毎日もう元気に成ってる。どうすればいい。知らない。あいつの事を信じられないんだ。もう誰も助けられないんと思うんだ。そしてその彼女まだちょうと恋に陥ってる。なぜよ。なぜその彼女の事を忘すれるのことがぢきられないよ。なぜなぜなぜなぜ。
Nov. 3rd, 2005 @ 12:30 am
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like a shadow in the sunset: so long, so gone.
Oct. 30th, 2005 @ 01:02 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I miss her touch
I miss her eyes
I miss her smile
I miss the smell of her sweat
I miss the pierce of her gaze
I miss late night cigarettes together
I miss laying in each others arms till the sun rise
I miss the way she would challenge my intellect every day
I miss the way that she was the only girl I know who would never back down
I miss the way she could understand what was wrong with out ever needing to ask me
Am I missing her?
Am I just missing that love?
Am I experiencing real feelings?
Am I just longing for late night love making?
Am I just at a point where I need to feel like I'm needed?
Am I just searching for something that I once had, but may never have again?
Am I able to find the answers that I am looking for, and will I know when I find it?
Oct. 25th, 2005 @ 05:07 pm
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Is there a point in ones life where he or she realizes that maybe there are certain aspects of behavior that you cannot hold on to no matter how hard you try? This year will mark the 24th anniversary of me being born on this planet. I realize up to this point I have made a lot of stupid mistakes in recent, and sometimes very recent, pasts but I feel that as long as I learn from these mistakes I can improve myself to be even better every time. The hardest part in doing these actions is being able to look at you and be critical about yourself all from an outside perspective.
Upon doing this, however, I stumbled upon something entirely unexpected. When gazing upon my inner soul with new eyes, I found tendency to gander my interactions with the outside world as well. What I have discovered is that while I claim to act like a little kid, and most of the time I do, there are instances where no matter how hard I try I cannot get past a certain border.
“What is this border that you speak of?” I will put it quite eloquently. Believe it or not, it is maturity. I know what you are thinking; “Brian, sometimes you act like the most immature out of all of us!” and this is true. However, unlike some of the people that I hang out with, I have actually had somewhat successful relationships in the past. “Well, how does this make you mature?” you are asking. Basically when I hang out with girls, I do not consciously, and refuse to consciously, act like I am still in high school.
“Wow that was out of nowhere. Where did this come from?” I will explain. There was an incident the other day that made me want to distance myself from basically everyone for a little while, for my sake and for those that were involved. Everyone was together yesterday and I just got so frustrated that I had to leave. I could not quite place the source of said anger, but I knew that I needed to escape from yesterdays meeting.
As I was chewing my breakfast feed, I had a realization that placed the exact source of the anger. Last semester our group had no regular girls that we would hang out with all the time. It was not like we did not have female friends, but none that were definite regulars. This semester we have merged our inner circle with a bunch of awesome girls, a merger of two circles of sorts. Now that these two groups have merged, I feel impending disaster for everyone involved.
“But how could more good friends be a bad thing?” I will tell you quite simply. All the girls in the group that we have assimilated with are single. All of us guys, with the exception of Mikey, are single as well. When you combine a bunch of single guys with a bunch of hot single girls, what happens is all the guys are reduced to primitive displays in a vein attempt at attracting attention from the girls. Chillin’ has gone from just hanging out and relaxing, to fighting for each girl’s attention. I am sorry everyone, but the shit is fuckin annoying.
This whole semester I have been trying to pin-point the source of my anxiety and until now I could not figure it out. Yesterday I was walking home just repeating to myself how much I think this semester has sucked so far.
“But don’t you do the same thing too?” Yes, I too fall victim to this behavior. Unfortunately for us males, we are too dumb to realize what it is we are doing. It was not until I placed a mental distance between myself and the rest of the group that it was brought to the attention of my conscious brain.
“But what can we do to solve this problem and bring back harmony?” This I do not have a constructive answer for. I am not good at providing answers; I am simply skilled with the gift of observation. If everyone in our group paired off, then the group would be utterly destroyed faster, in my foresight. First, instead of hanging out all together, each pair would want to have alone time. Group chill time would be virtually non-existent. This would not, in and of itself, be a bad thing but keep reading.
Not everyone in the group has ever had relationship experience. I do not have exact numbers, but I guarantee the percentage of first-time relationships that turn into something serious are few and far between. Also, let us be honest with ourselves. Friendships that turn into a relationship, do not, and will not, ever turn back into friendship.
This is not simply my own opinion. I have received conformation from someone with whom I confide great trust in. So, before you chastise me, realize that I am not alone with these thoughts. Sigh….. I need to find some people my own age.
Oct. 18th, 2005 @ 03:42 pm
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| » 違う戦い |
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mindless babble
Oct. 16th, 2005 @ 01:04 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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q: yeah i would definitely say there's something about you thats "untouchable"
q: i cant really describe it myself but
q: maybe you play hard to get
q: not because you're overly mean or overly nice or anything
q: but you're just so naturally free that
q: if someone wanted to pursue you that really liked u...maybe they think they might disrupt whatever balance you have with yourself
q: i dont think you try to intimidate people
q: but you might be intimidating to people who might think your openness may be superficial because they might not have seen anything like it before
Otaku: yeah i get what you mean
q: i dont think intimidation is necessarily a bad thing though
q: people tend to have reverence for people that they are intimidated by
whats a boy to do?
Oct. 14th, 2005 @ 02:06 am
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| » 嘘つき |
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jessie: you are what i would label an untouchable
jessie: and usually
jessie: people that are attractive like yourself
jessie: intimidate people who think they are not within your league
jessie: so no one tries
is this nonsense true? what a load of horse shit!
Oct. 13th, 2005 @ 04:04 pm
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ryokuin's journal